Shoulda Left at 9

He woke up and 9 and she told him to stay,
So he thinks "Hey why not, no need to cause her dismay,"
He lays his head on the pillow in this bed with his girl,
Her body just so warm it makes his love unfurl,
He likes her for her body, he likes her for her mind,
and he likes her when his key and her hole decide to bind.
"Just lay here a little longer, maybe she'll make some food
and then i'll be leaving here with free that and free boob."
One thing he didn't think of, was something he shouldn't have to,
While occupied physically and mentally, he forgot to use the bathroom.
"Woopsy Daisy!" says his weiner as it begins to urinate,
"I prolly should have been at a toilet instead of peeing on my date!"
He awoke mid-piss and ran off to the can,
Wishing and praying that the pee was only on this man,
But his wish was not granted, in fact he wasn't even teased,
For his piss spot was all over, he soaked the entire fucking sheet,
He regretted all the beer, and the water to help sober up,
But most of all he regretted that he didn't just get up,
He snuck out of the apartment, sure not to make any more blunders,
Because when this girl did wake up she was going bury him 6 feet under,
I guess the moral of the story is to always follow your heart,
and by "your heart", I mean "your bladder", Or your ass if you have to fart,
He told his roommates this tale of bodily waste and the urge to shout,
and we promptly gave him back a "What the #&%$ are you talking about?"