Keepin it Holy a lil Early

For my first story, I'll start out with something that may sound ridiculous to some, normal to others, or if you live with crazy asses like me then it may sound like a normal weekend....but that's more than likely not the case.

I'll start out with a lil background first so we can stay on the same page here. I have three roommates and they are as follows: Dahlke- the country kid from Nowhere, MN whose biggest aspiration in life is to shoot a 12 point buck (that's a big ass deer from what i hear), Marc- the kid from suburbian chicago who's on the track team and has the IQ of a pair of socks, and Matt- the fat kid from Green Bay, WI who's biggest concern is that he'll have enough cheese in his fridge in case he has a mid-slumber fat attack in the middle of the night so that he won't eat his hand.

And now the story,

So, a few weekends back my roommate Dahlke ended up getting angry at the other three of us roommates for making fun of his highwater jeans that everybody loved back in Nowhere, MN but they just don't fly here, so he thinks that he'll punish us by going out for the night alone to make us feel bad. FYI: Dahlke is the worst wingman ever and his outstanding ability to turn away every girl who shows interest in him is damn near World Wonder status. But anyway, so Matt, Marc, and I go out for the night to the bar and have a pretty standard night as far as college life goes.....but Dahlke's story sang a bit of a different tune. He decided to go to a bar that he knew we wouldn't go to, ended up getting absolutely hammered..by himself, and attempts to walk home. Mistake #1. He walks the completely opposite direction of the apartment. Mistake #2 He decides to try to scale a different apartment complex by climbing up balconies and ends up getting his hands stomped on by a guy while hanging off of the 2nd floor and falling to the ground, luckily his country ass is somewhat tough. Mistake #3 He sees a building that looks like the apartment complex that we live in, so he decides to go inside. Now the night would have ended up just fine had he just gone inside and come into our apartment, and gone to bed. Except for the fact that this was not our apartment complex. It was a church. A church that bears absolutely no resemblance what so ever to our apartment complex. So he went inside, found a bench, and went to sleep. Dahlke awakes the next morning to a class of Sunday School children walking down the stairs that are about 20 ft away from him, and although he has no idea of where he is, he promptly gets up and walks past the children, up the stairs, and out the door. Now it turns out that he had walked a solid mile in the opposite direction from the bar, so i had to go pick him up when he called me from outside the church.
And you know what i gave him when he told me this story? A big blank stare and a swift sharp

What the #&%$ are you talking about?